REMOTE CONTROL FOR ALL WOMEN.

If you are a man with a nagging woman ahome, this will help you:

FEMALE ELECTRONIC REMOTE CONTROLLER.

AMAZING WATER THERAPY- CURE ALL DISEASES!

 DR.MAHMOUD HUSSAIN     -    IBN SINA COMPANY

Introduction

*      Drink six (6) glasses of water (1.5 liters) everyday and avoid medicine, tablets, injections, diagnosis, doctor fees, etc.

*      You can never believe it before practicing it.

List of Diseases That Can Be Cured By Water Therapy

*      Blood Pressure/Hyper Tension

*      Anemia (Blood Shortage)

*      Rheumatism (Pain in joints/muscles)

*      General Paralysis

*      Obesity

*      Arthritis

*      Sinusitis

*      Tachycardia

*      Giddiness

*      Cough

*      Asthma

*      Bronchitis

*      Pulmonary Tuberculosis

*      Meningitis

*      Kidney Stones

*      Urogenital Diseases

*      Hyper Acidity

*      Dysentery

*      Gastroenteritis

*      Uterus Cancer

*      Rectal Piodapse

*      Constipation

*      Hostorthobics

*      Diabetes

*      Eye Diseases

*      Ophthalmic Hemorrhage & Opthalmia (Reddish eye)

*      Irregular Menstruation

*      Breast Cancer

*      Laryngitis

*      Headache

*      Leukemia

Therapy Procedure

*      Early morning, after you get up from bed, (without even brushing your teeth) drink 1.50 liters of water i.e., 5 to 6 glasses. You may wash your face thereafter.

*      Here it is very essential to note that nothing else, neither drinks nor solid food of any sort should be taken within 1 hour before and after drinking these 1.5 liters of water.

*      If required, boiled and filtered water may be used for this purpose.

*      It is difficult to drink 1.5 liters of water at one time, but you will get used to it gradually.

*      Initially, while practicing you may drink four glasses first and to balance two glasses after a gap of two minutes.

*      You may find the necessity to urinate 2 to 3 times within an hour, but it will become normal after quite some time.

By Research and Experience

*      The following diseases observed to be cured with this therapy within the indicated days as below:

-  Constipation                   -  1 day

-  Acidity                            -  2 days          

-  Diabetes                          -  7 days

-  Cancer                            -  4 weeks

-  Pulmonary TB                 -  3 months

-  BP & Hypertension         -  4 weeks

Note:                It is advised that persons suffering from Arthritis or Rheumatism should practice this therapy thrice a day, i.e. morning, midday and night, 1 hour before meals for one week; and twice a day subsequently until the disease disappears.

How Does Pure Water Act?

*      Consuming ordinary drinking water by the right method purifies human body.  It renders the colon more effective by forming new fresh blood, known in medical terms as "Haematopaises".  That the mucousal folds of the colon and intestines are activated by this method, is an undisputed fact, just as the theory that new fresh blood is produced by the mucousal fold.

*      If the colon is cleansed then the nutrients of the food taken several times a day will be absorbed and by the action of the mucousal folds they are turned into fresh blood.  The blood is all important in curing ailments and restoring health and for this water should be consumed in a regular pattern.

                          EAT FRESH FRUITS.

W e all think eating fruits means simply buying fruit, cutting it and just popping it into our mouths.  .  You will benefit much more if you know how and when to eat fruit.

CORRECT WAY of EATING FRUITS

Fruits should be taken on an empty stomach  . . . . . . .    not as dessert after the meal as is often done.

I f you eat fruit like that, it will also serve a major role to detoxify your system, supplying you with a great deal of energy for weight loss and other life activities.

FRUIT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOD

Let’s say you eat two slices of bread . . .   and then a slice of fruit.

As fruit digests faster than bread,   t he slice of fruit digests quickly and is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but its passage is blocked by the bread which takes longer to digest...

...I n the meantime the whole meal ferments and turns to acid.  Consequently, when the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil!

So it is better to eat your fruits in an empty stomach or before your meals.

You have heard people complaining -

          every time I eat water-melon I burp,

          when I eat durian my stomach bloats up,

          when I eat banana

          I feel like running to the toilet etc -

The fruit mixes with the putrefying other food and produces gas and hence you will bloat! Actually, all this will not arise if you eat the fruit on an empty stomach.

Graying hair, balding, nervous outbursts, dark circles under the eyes -

all these will not happen if you eat fruit on an empty stomach.

It is incorrectly presumed that some fruits, like orange and lemon are acidic and will enhance acidity in the stomach.  Research however shows that all fruits become alkaline in our body.

WHEN YOU NEED TO DRINK FRUIT JUICE -

Drink only fresh fruit juice, NOT from the cans.

Don't drink juice that has been heated up.

Don't eat cooked fruits because you don't get the nutrients at all. 

You only get the taste.

So stop making 'durian porridge' if you want nutrients.  Cooking fruit destroys all the vitamins

Eating the pulp or whole fruit is far better than drinking the juice as the fibre is good for you.

If you should drink the juice, drink it mouthful by mouthful slowly, because you must let it mix with your saliva before swallowing it.

FRUIT FAST

A 3-day "fruit fast" is a very simple and effective way to cleanse and de-toxify your body.

Just eat fruits and drink fruit juice throughout the 3 days and you will be surprised when your friends tell you how radiant you look!

During the "fruit fast" you can eat different fruits at different times, although occasionally mixed fruit salad would also be permissible and more interesting.

If you have mastered the correct way of eating fruits,

You have the secret of beauty,

Longevity, health, energy,

                        Happiness and normal weight.

*      Please spread this message to your friends, relatives and neighbors.  It is a great service to the cause of humanity ...       Life is Short, Just go for it!

Spread the word.

Drink water.

Peace!

A NEEDLE CAN SAVE THE LIFE OF A STROKE PATIENT.

         This advice is from a Chinese Professor. 

Keep a syringe or needle in the home to do this... It's amazing and an unconventional way of recovering from stroke. Read it through, it can help somebody one day.

This is amazing. Please keep this very handy. Excellent tips. Do take a minute to read this. You'll never know, one’s life may depend on you.

My father was paralyzed and later died from the result of a stroke.
I wish I knew about this first aid before. When stroke strikes, the capillaries in the brain will gradually burst. When a stroke occurs, stay calm.

No matter where the victim is, do not move him/her. Because, if moved, the capillaries will burst..

Help the victim to sit up where he/she is to prevent him/her from falling over again and then the bloodletting can begin .

If you have in your home an injection syringe, that would be the best.

Otherwise, a sewing needle or a straight pin will do.
1. Place the needle/pin over fire to sterilize it and then use it to prick the tip of all......10 fingers.
2. There are no specific acupuncture points, just prick about an mm from the fingernail.
3. Prick till blood comes out.
4. If blood does not start to drip, then squeeze with your fingers.
5. When all 10 digits is bleeding, wait a few minutes then the victim will regain
consciousness.
6. If the victim's mouth is crooked, then pull on his ears until they are red.
7. Then prick each earlobe twice until two drops of blood comes from each earlobe. After a few minutes the victim should regain consciousness.
Wait till the victim regains his normal state without any abnormal symptoms then take him to the hospital. Otherwise, if he was taken in the ambulance in a hurry to
the hospital, the bumpy trip will cause all the capillaries in his brain to burst.
If he could save his life, barely managing to walk, then it is by the grace of God. 'I learned about letting blood to save life from Chinese traditional doctor,
Ha Bu Ting, who lives in Sun Juke.

Furthermore, I had practical experience with it. Therefore, I can say this method is 100% effective. In 1979, I was teaching in Fung Gaap College in Tai Chung.

One afternoon, I was teaching a class when another teacher came running to my classroom and said in panting, 'Ms Liu, come quick, our supervisor has had a stroke!'. I immediately went to the 3rd floor. When I saw our supervisor, Mr. Chen Fu Tien, his color was off, his speech was slurred, his mouth was crooked -all the symptoms of a stroke.

I immediately asked one of the practicum students to go to the pharmacy outside the school to buy a syringe, which I used to prick Mr. Chen's 10 fingers tips.

When all 10 fingers were bleeding (each with a pea-sized drop of blood), after a few minutes, Mr. Chen's face regained its colour and his eyes' spirit returned,

But his mouth was still crooked. So I pulled on his ears to fill them with blood. When his ears became red, I pricked his right earlobe twice to let out two drops of blood. When both earlobes had two drops of blood each, a miracle
happened. Within 3-5 minutes the shape of his mouth returned to normal and his speech became clear.

We let him rest for a while and have a cup of hot tea, then we helped him go down the stairs, drove him to Wei Wah Hospital. He rested one night and was released the next day to return to school to teach.. Everything worked normally. There were no ill after effects. On the other hand, the usual stroke victim usually suffers, irreparable bursting of the brain capillaries on the way to the hospital. As a result, these victims never recover.' Therefore, stroke is the second cause of death. The lucky ones will stay alive but can remain paralysed for life.

It is such a horrible thing to happen in one’s life.

If we can all remember this bloodletting method and start the life saving process immediately, in a short time, the victim will be revived and regain 100%
normality.

IF POSSIBLE PLEASE FORWARD THIS AFTER READING. YOU NEVER KNOW IT MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE FROM STROKE.

Cheers!

LEVEL MUST CHANGE !

   An airplane was flying over the United States one
night. Then the pilot said: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the
plane is losing altitude and all the baggage must be thrown
out". A little later, the pilot said "We're
still losing altitude; we must throw anything out that is in
the cabin". The plane continued to descend despite more
things being thrown out.
Pilot: "Still going down - we must throw out some
people". There was a big gasp from the
passengers!
Pilot: "But to make this fair, passenger will be
thrown out in alphabetical order.
So...A... any Africans on board?" No one
moved.
"B... any Blacks on board?" No one
moved.
"C... any Coloureds on board?" Still, no one
moved.
"D... any Darkies?" Then a little black boy
- asked his dad:
"Dad what are we?
Dad: "Tonight son, we are Zulus!"

Cheers!

I AM A SAUDI !!!

A Little Girl... A Dog...A Saudi and A
 Policeman!!
  
A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York.
 Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull
 dog .He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He
 succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's
 life.
 A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and
 says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all
 the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of
 little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New
 Yorker!"
 
 "Oh, then it will say in newspapers in the morning:
 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" the
 policeman answers. "But I am not an American!"
 says the man. "Oh, what are you then?" The man
 says: - "I am a Saudi!"
 The next day the newspaper says: "Islamic
 extremist kills innocent American dog".

PLEASE LEARN FROM THIS MAN AND MARRY AN ILLITERATE.

   An illiterate woman boarded a plane from Enugu to Abuja in Nigeria. She was booked for an economy class seat... Just after the plane took-off, the woman stood up and went to sit in the first class cabin. The flight attendant went to ask her to go back and sit in economy class because that's where the ticket allowed her to sit but she refused. She had paid and wanted the best seat. 
  Then the attendant informed the Jnr. Pilot. The Jnr. Pilot went and spoke with the lady and she still refused. Then the Jnr. Pilot went to inform the chief pilot. The chief pilot said I am married to an illiterate; I'll go and talk to her. The chief went and whispered some words to the woman and she peacefully stood-up and went to her economy class seat. The attendant and Jnr. Pilot surprisingly asked, sir what did you tell her? 
  The chief pilot said: Easy guys, I just told her that first class is not going to Abuja, only economy class is.
                                                                                 CHEERS!




Illiterate America (Plume)
 Obama Nation (Abomination): ECONOMIC illiterate (USA / United States of America / American / Political) - 1 1/4" Button / Pin
 The Illiterate One Poster Movie Mexican 11x17
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Engr Otubu the randy lecturer!

The link below gives the funny and ridiculous life of a randy lecturer. Others, learn from this!!!



Randy Engineer




CHEERS!

WORLD CUP SOUTH AFRICA 2010...

At the just concluded world cup South Africa 2010...

Supposing you are the goal keeper in this type of match with magic-laden monks/priests, what do you think of it?


Cheers!

STATISTICAL TRICKS.

  There is a group of five statisticians on a 'train. At the next stop, five
epidemiologists get on. They all seem to know each other and start
chatting. It transpires that each of the epidemiologists has bought a
ticket, but the statisticians have only bought one between the five of
them. "Why did you do that?" asks one of the epidemiologists. "Surely
you're going to get caught and. thrown off the train". "Just wait and see!",
smiles one of the statisticians.

   As the ticket inspector is approaching to check everyone's tickets, the
statisticians all go off to the nearest toilet -the inspector passes the
epidemiologists and inspects all their tickets then moves on and notices
that the toilet is locked. "Tickets please!" shouts the inspector. One of
the statisticians pushes their ticket under the toilet door, which the
inspector checks and returns under the door. Once the inspector has
gone, all the statisticians return to their seats to the awe and amazement
of the epidemiologists. "That's incredibly clever!" says one of the
epidemiologists.

   A few weeks later they all find themselves on the same train again. They
sit together and start chatting once more. "We've done what you
suggested", says one of the epidemiologists, "and just bought one ticket
between the five of us!". "Oh really", says one of the statisticians, "we
haven't bought ANY tickets this time!". The epidemiologists look at each
other in amazement. "OK, one ticket between you is fine but not buying
any at all is ludicrous! "

   As the ticket inspector approaches the epidemiologists hurry off to the
toilet. Once they're inside the statisticians follow them. "Tickets please! "
shouts one of the statisticians. The ticket appears under the door and
they take it away and all bundle into a different toilet. The inspector gets
to the toilet with the epidemiologists in it. "Tickets please!" he shouts.
No reply. "Tickets please!". The epidemiologists admit defeat and come
out of the toilet only to be thrown off at the next station.

Cheers!

REIGN OF FIRE.

One day there was a fire in a wastebasket in the Dean's office and in
rushed a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician. The physicist
immediately starts to work on how much energy would have to be
removed from the fire to stop the combustion. The chemist works on
which reagent would have to be added to the fire to prevent oxidation.
While they are doing this, the statistician is setting fires to all the other
wastebaskets in the office. "What are you doing?" they demanded. "Well
to solve the problem, obviously you need a large sample size" the
statistician replies.


CHEERS!

FREE YOUR BURDEN.

On a hot summer’s day, a priest walking down a country lane sees a young farmer struggling
to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.
"You look hot, my son," said the Priest. "Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a
hand."
"No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't like it."
"Don't be silly," the priest said.
"You must be allowed to stop work. Come and have a drink of water."
Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Getting angry, the priest said,
"Your father is very hard on you. Tell me where he is and I'll tell him to treat you better!"
"Well," replied the young farmer, "he's under the load of hay."


CHEERS!

AN HILARIOUS WAY OF MAKING A BABY!

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!--


The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to beIn and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes... Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted.

If only she knew they were not on the same frequency. HA!HA!

JOB IN RAILWAY...

A job placement in the railway corporation has the following on its advertisement banner:

JOB: The Railway Corporation requires suitably qualified candidates for the post of Train Master.

QUALIFICATION: Ability to read and write, ability to out-run a train even at full speed.

SALARY: Very attractive.

JOB DESCRIPTION: Candidate will have to hold a torch and run ahead of train because the headlight has stopped working...

Goodluck!

Drown your fear in beer!

This man drowned his fear in beer...

...after which he became this:

Innovation.

One needs to be innovative in whatever that you do, or what do you think about this:

This is a special sandal...

It's a wedding day!

Today, you make your choice...

ODD GREEDY KIDS>

What can you say about these kids?

1.  Commando baby

2. My Precious!

3. Money is important to me...

4. Star kid.

5.  Bring out the power in you...

Cheers!

Little Man, Big Authority!

A large notice in a shop window announced a big sale, with sweeping
reductions, starting at 9 a.m. An enormous queue had started to form by 7-30
a.m.
Just before the shop was due to open, an inconspicuous little man walked to
the head of the queue. Angry women elbowed and pushed him until he was
right at the back of the line. Undaunted, the little man went to the head of the
queue again.
Once more, he was shoved unceremoniously to the back, this time with a
few smacks on the face and a couple of thumps from umbrellas wielded by
angry women.
The little man walked to one side of the queue and said: “If that’s your
attitude, I won’t open the shop at all today!”