A man with a winking problem applied for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.
The interviewer looked over his papers and said, "You've graduated from the best schools,your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers.
I'm sorry . . . . we can't hire you".
"But wait," the man protested, "if I take two aspirin, I stop winking!"
"Really? Great! Show me!"
The applicant reached into his jacket pocket and began pulling out all sorts of cond0ms:red cond0ms, blue cond0ms, ribbed cond0ms, Assorted c0ndoms. Finally finding a packet of aspirin at the bottom. He tore it open, swallowed the tablets, and stopped winking.
"Oh dear," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we can't have our employees womanizing all over the country!"
"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all these cond0ms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a chemist's and asked for aspirin while winking?"
HAVE LOTS OF FUN FILLED WITH PLENTY SUGAR!
sulakidentifier
Sign by Danasoft - For Backgrounds and Layouts
Friday, May 6, 2011
AMAZING LIFESTYLE IN THE 1500s!!!
Life in the 1500s.
The next time you're washing yourself and complain that the water temperature isn't to your liking, think how it was for the unfortunate people living in the 1500s.
Most people married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good in June. However, they were starting to smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the sons and other men, then the women, and finally the children - last of all the babies. By then, the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it; hence the saying, "don't throw the baby out with the bath water."
Houses had thatched roofs; thick straw, piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, rats, and bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof; hence the saying "it's raining cats and dogs."
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This was a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. A bed with big posts and a sheet over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt; hence the saying, "dirt poor."
The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh on the floor to help their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until it would all start slipping outside when you opened the door. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway, a "thresh hold."
In those days people cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight, then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while; hence the rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which was quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Most people did not have pewter plates, but had trenchers, a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often trenchers were made from stale bread which was so old and hard that it could be used for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed. Sometimes worms and mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy, moldy trenchers, one would get "trench mouth."
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burned bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock people out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up; hence the custom of holding a "wake."
England is old and small, and they started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and take the bones to a "bone house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 were found to have scratch marks on the inside, and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground, and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."
And that's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...whoever said history was boring?
DO HAVE A NICE DAY OF HISTORY CLASS WITH ME!
CHEERS!!
The next time you're washing yourself and complain that the water temperature isn't to your liking, think how it was for the unfortunate people living in the 1500s.
Most people married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good in June. However, they were starting to smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the sons and other men, then the women, and finally the children - last of all the babies. By then, the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it; hence the saying, "don't throw the baby out with the bath water."
Houses had thatched roofs; thick straw, piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, rats, and bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof; hence the saying "it's raining cats and dogs."
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This was a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. A bed with big posts and a sheet over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt; hence the saying, "dirt poor."
The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh on the floor to help their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until it would all start slipping outside when you opened the door. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway, a "thresh hold."
In those days people cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight, then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while; hence the rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which was quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Most people did not have pewter plates, but had trenchers, a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often trenchers were made from stale bread which was so old and hard that it could be used for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed. Sometimes worms and mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy, moldy trenchers, one would get "trench mouth."
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burned bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock people out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up; hence the custom of holding a "wake."
England is old and small, and they started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and take the bones to a "bone house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 were found to have scratch marks on the inside, and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground, and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."
And that's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...whoever said history was boring?
DO HAVE A NICE DAY OF HISTORY CLASS WITH ME!
CHEERS!!
THE RANCHER,S WIDOW.
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand,
'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels. The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on a Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her. 'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,'she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
'Now take off my socks.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. 'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.Then she looked at him and said,
'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'
ENJOY!
Unmasked: Erotic Tales of Gay Superheroes
Str8te Boys
PRISON KAMASUTRA (The Beauty of Gay Love)
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand,
'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels. The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on a Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her. 'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,'she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
'Now take off my socks.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. 'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.Then she looked at him and said,
'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'
ENJOY!
Unmasked: Erotic Tales of Gay Superheroes
Str8te Boys
PRISON KAMASUTRA (The Beauty of Gay Love)
Many Uses Of The Word "FUCK"!
The Fucking Disclaimer
If you are offended by the use of bad language fuck off now! Don't read all of this page and then say it annoys you.
Uses of the word Fuck
FUCK is an international word. It doesn't matter where you are in the world, everyone knows exactly what you mean when you say "Fuck Off".
It's the atmosphere it creates, that's why you will never read something like:
"Fuck off", he hinted.
Grammatical Usage
In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories, making it one of the most versatile words in the English language.
It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Jane) and intransitive (John and Jane fucked). It can be an active verb (John fucked Jane) or a passive verb (Jane was fucked by John). Or an adverb (Jane is a fucking bastard) and a noun (Jane is a terrific fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Jane is fucking beautiful). It may also be inserted into other words (abso-fucking-lutely).
Further Structures
As you can see there are few words with the versatility of "fuck". Besides its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations.
Greetings
"How the fuck are you?"
Fraud
"I was fucked by the McDonalds Drive Through."
Dismay
"Oh, fuck it."
Trouble
"Well, I guess I'm fucked again."
Aggression
"Fuck you!!!"
Disgust
"Fuck me!!!"
Confusion, Curiosity or Disbelief
"What the fuck....?"
Difficulty
"I don't understand this fucking thing."
Despair
"Fucked again."
Good Job
"Congratufuckinglations."
Desperation
"Fuckityfuckfuckfuck."
Incompetence
"He fucks up everything."
Disappointment
"This fucking fucker is fucked."
Intelligence
"He's a fucking genius."
Dismissal
"Why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself?"
Displeasure
"What the fuck is going on?"
Lost
"Where the fuck are we?"
Disbelief
"Unbefuckinglievable!!!"
Retaliation
"Up your fucking ass!!!"
Laziness
"He's just a fuck-off."
Pain
"Fuck ! that hurt."
Pleasure
"Oooooooh Fuuuuuuck"
Love
"Do ya Fuck on first dates?"
Starting a relationship
"Let's fuck now!"
Surprise
"Fucking hell what was that?"
Admiration
"Nice fucking tits!"
Stupid person
"Dumbfuck!"
Hate
"You Fuck!"
Condemnation
"Fuck that shit!"
Disappointment
"That's not fucking fair."
A poker hand
"A Royal Fuck."
Ignorant person
"Fuckstick."
Denial
"I didn't fucking do it."
Perplexity
"I know fuck all about it."
Apathy
"Who gives a fuck" or "I don't give a fuck".
Confusion
"What the fuck just happened?"
Resignation
"Oh fuck it."
Suspicion
"Who the fuck are you?"
Panic
"Let's get the fuck out of here!"
Directions
"Fuck off."
Sex
"Let's fuck."
Maternal
"Motherfucker."
Incestuous
"Motherfucker."
Ambiguity
"I'm not so fucking sure."
Agreement
"Absofuckinglutely."
Questioning Authority
"Who the fuck do you think you are?"
Hypocrisy
"Don't you dare fucking swear at me you fucking fucker."
Praising the Lord
"Jesus Fucking Christ."
I have a headache
"Go fuck yourself."
Refusal
"Oh you can fuck right off."
Pissed off
"Fuck the fucking fuckers!"
Be quiet
"Shut the fuck up."
You're right
"Fucking oath." (Australianism)
Ostentation
"He's just bought a big, fuck-off Mercedes."
Sensuousness
"She was wearing a pair of red leather, fuck-me boots."
Confidence
"Fuckin' A."
Rage
"Motherfucking fuckers!"
Impressed
"That was fucking amazing."
Oral sex after 30 years of marriage
"Fuck you!" (while passing each other in the hall)
Bewilderment or Ignorance
"Fucked if I know."
Enraged
"I'm gonna fuck you up!"
Annoyance
"Fuck off, fucker."
Annoyance
"For fuck's sake."
Pissed off
"Fuck you, you fucking fuck."
Tardiness
"It's ten-fucking-thirty already?"
Broken down motorcycle
"Sir, the fucking fucker has fucked up on me.
Professional appraisal of mechanical failure
"It's fucked."
Calling someone
"Oy, fuck face!"
Minors
"Fucklings."
Morons
"Fucktards."
Completely naked
Butthefucknaked
Low intelligence
Fuckwit
A name for the penis
Fuckstick (as in "I'm going to jam my fuckstick right up you")
Thanks
"Fuck you very much."
Useful Acronymns
These may come in handy when space is at a premium.
DILLIGAF
Does It Look Like I Give A Fuck
FA
Fuck All
FFS
For Fuck's Sake
FIIK
Fucked If I Know
FOAD
Fuck Off And Die
FUBAR
Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition
FYYFF
Fuck You You Fucking Fucker
GAGF
Go And Get Fucked
GFY
Go Fuck Yourself
GTFO
Get The Fuck Out
HMFIC
Head Mother Fucker In Charge
JFGI
Just Fucking Google It
LMFAO
Laughed My Fucking Ass Off
MILF
Mum (Mom) I'd Like To Fuck
NFI
No Fucking Idea
NMFP
Not My Fucking Problem
RTFM
Read The Fucking Manual
SNAFU
Situation Normal All Fucked Up
WOFTAM
Waste of Fucking Time and Money
WTF
What The Fuck
Sweet FA also deserves a special mention (Sweet Fuck All), meaning "nothing". Another abbreviation is F'ed in the A for (Fucked in the Ass), presumably meaning "taken advantage of" rather than literally shagged in the poophole.
Famous historical quotes
Never forget the words of these famous people.
General Custer
Where did all them fucking Indians come from?
Mayor of Hiroshima
"What the fuck was that?"
Captain of the Titanic
"Where's all the fucking water coming from?"
Michelangelo
"You want me to paint what on the fucking ceiling?"
Einstein
"Any fucker could understand that."
Sean Penn
"Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck"
John Lennon
"Is that a real fucking gun?"
Donald Campbell
"The fucking throttle is stuck."
Anne Boleyn
"Heads are going to fucking roll."
Richard Nixon
"Who's going to fucking know?"
Niki Lauda
"I thought I could fucking smell petrol."
Mark Thatcher
"What fucking map?"
Picasso
"It does fucking look like her."
Christopher Columbus
"Where the fuck are we?"
Michael Jackson
"It's a fucking skin condition" and more recently "I told you I didn't fucking fuck him!"
Pythagoras
"How the fuck did you work that one out?"
Walt Disney
"Fuck a duck."
Joan of Arc
"I don't suppose it will fucking rain."
George Bush
"Fcuk! I can't spell."
Miss Marples
"I haven't got a fucking clue."
Noah
"Scattered showers, my fucking arse."
Donald Trump
"You're fucking fired!"
Judge Judy
"Shut the fuck up!"
Paris Hilton
"Fuck me."
Ronald Regan to the Pope
"Yes it does fucking hurt."
Harold, Battle of Hastings 1066
"Watch him he'll have some fucker's eye out"
John F Kennedy
"Who needs that fucking bubble top?"
John F Kennedy
"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in the head."
John F Kennedy Jr.
"What's wrong with this fucking altimeter?"
Bill Clinton
"I should have fucked her."
Bill Clinton
"I didn't fucking inhale!"
Hurricane Katrina
"Mardi Fuckin Gras this motherfuckers."
Leonardo da Vinci
"Call that a fucking smile?"
Sir Walter Raleigh
"That's another good cloak fucked!"
William Tell
"Keep Fucking Still."
Some readers have pointed out that there are also some real famous fuck quotes from historical figures, such as General George Patton who among other things is noted to have said:
"I don't give a fuck for a man who's not always on his toes."
"The bilious bastards who write that kind of stuff for the Saturday Evening Post don't know any more about real fighting under fire than they know about fucking!"
"We're going to murder those lousy Hun cock suckers by the bushel-fucking-basket."
Australia's Kerry Packer (for a time Australia's richest man; died late 2005) was also very fond of the word "fuck". Perhaps his best remembered quote followed the first time he died in 1990, after suffering a heart attack and being clinically dead for some eight minutes before being revived. When asked if he saw a light at the end of a tunnel he said: "Son, there's fucking nothing there."
Australia's former Prime Minister Malcolm Fraser is believed to have said "Life wasn't meant to be fucking easy".
Mark Latham, another Australian politician had this to say about Prime Minister John Howard's trip to the U.S.A.: "Howard is an arse-licker. He went over there, kissed some bums, and got patted on the fucking head."
Dorothy Parker is said to have sent a telegraph in reply to her editor - who was bugging her for belated work while on her honeymoon - that read: "Too fucking busy, and vice versa"
Conclusion
The mind boggles at the many creative uses of the word. If by any chance you think I've missed any, please fucking let me know.
How can anyone be offended when you say "FUCK"?
Use it frequently in your daily speech, you will be proud and it will add to your fucking prestige and stature.
Why not say "FUCK YOU !" to someone today.
The Fuck-Up
Fuck The Pain Away
Fuck: Word Taboo and Protecting our First Amendment Liberties
Fuck: Word Taboo and Protecting our First Amendment LibertiesHAVE A FUCKING NICE DAY...
If you are offended by the use of bad language fuck off now! Don't read all of this page and then say it annoys you.
Uses of the word Fuck
FUCK is an international word. It doesn't matter where you are in the world, everyone knows exactly what you mean when you say "Fuck Off".
It's the atmosphere it creates, that's why you will never read something like:
"Fuck off", he hinted.
Grammatical Usage
In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories, making it one of the most versatile words in the English language.
It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Jane) and intransitive (John and Jane fucked). It can be an active verb (John fucked Jane) or a passive verb (Jane was fucked by John). Or an adverb (Jane is a fucking bastard) and a noun (Jane is a terrific fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Jane is fucking beautiful). It may also be inserted into other words (abso-fucking-lutely).
Further Structures
As you can see there are few words with the versatility of "fuck". Besides its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations.
Greetings
"How the fuck are you?"
Fraud
"I was fucked by the McDonalds Drive Through."
Dismay
"Oh, fuck it."
Trouble
"Well, I guess I'm fucked again."
Aggression
"Fuck you!!!"
Disgust
"Fuck me!!!"
Confusion, Curiosity or Disbelief
"What the fuck....?"
Difficulty
"I don't understand this fucking thing."
Despair
"Fucked again."
Good Job
"Congratufuckinglations."
Desperation
"Fuckityfuckfuckfuck."
Incompetence
"He fucks up everything."
Disappointment
"This fucking fucker is fucked."
Intelligence
"He's a fucking genius."
Dismissal
"Why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself?"
Displeasure
"What the fuck is going on?"
Lost
"Where the fuck are we?"
Disbelief
"Unbefuckinglievable!!!"
Retaliation
"Up your fucking ass!!!"
Laziness
"He's just a fuck-off."
Pain
"Fuck ! that hurt."
Pleasure
"Oooooooh Fuuuuuuck"
Love
"Do ya Fuck on first dates?"
Starting a relationship
"Let's fuck now!"
Surprise
"Fucking hell what was that?"
Admiration
"Nice fucking tits!"
Stupid person
"Dumbfuck!"
Hate
"You Fuck!"
Condemnation
"Fuck that shit!"
Disappointment
"That's not fucking fair."
A poker hand
"A Royal Fuck."
Ignorant person
"Fuckstick."
Denial
"I didn't fucking do it."
Perplexity
"I know fuck all about it."
Apathy
"Who gives a fuck" or "I don't give a fuck".
Confusion
"What the fuck just happened?"
Resignation
"Oh fuck it."
Suspicion
"Who the fuck are you?"
Panic
"Let's get the fuck out of here!"
Directions
"Fuck off."
Sex
"Let's fuck."
Maternal
"Motherfucker."
Incestuous
"Motherfucker."
Ambiguity
"I'm not so fucking sure."
Agreement
"Absofuckinglutely."
Questioning Authority
"Who the fuck do you think you are?"
Hypocrisy
"Don't you dare fucking swear at me you fucking fucker."
Praising the Lord
"Jesus Fucking Christ."
I have a headache
"Go fuck yourself."
Refusal
"Oh you can fuck right off."
Pissed off
"Fuck the fucking fuckers!"
Be quiet
"Shut the fuck up."
You're right
"Fucking oath." (Australianism)
Ostentation
"He's just bought a big, fuck-off Mercedes."
Sensuousness
"She was wearing a pair of red leather, fuck-me boots."
Confidence
"Fuckin' A."
Rage
"Motherfucking fuckers!"
Impressed
"That was fucking amazing."
Oral sex after 30 years of marriage
"Fuck you!" (while passing each other in the hall)
Bewilderment or Ignorance
"Fucked if I know."
Enraged
"I'm gonna fuck you up!"
Annoyance
"Fuck off, fucker."
Annoyance
"For fuck's sake."
Pissed off
"Fuck you, you fucking fuck."
Tardiness
"It's ten-fucking-thirty already?"
Broken down motorcycle
"Sir, the fucking fucker has fucked up on me.
Professional appraisal of mechanical failure
"It's fucked."
Calling someone
"Oy, fuck face!"
Minors
"Fucklings."
Morons
"Fucktards."
Completely naked
Butthefucknaked
Low intelligence
Fuckwit
A name for the penis
Fuckstick (as in "I'm going to jam my fuckstick right up you")
Thanks
"Fuck you very much."
Useful Acronymns
These may come in handy when space is at a premium.
DILLIGAF
Does It Look Like I Give A Fuck
FA
Fuck All
FFS
For Fuck's Sake
FIIK
Fucked If I Know
FOAD
Fuck Off And Die
FUBAR
Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition
FYYFF
Fuck You You Fucking Fucker
GAGF
Go And Get Fucked
GFY
Go Fuck Yourself
GTFO
Get The Fuck Out
HMFIC
Head Mother Fucker In Charge
JFGI
Just Fucking Google It
LMFAO
Laughed My Fucking Ass Off
MILF
Mum (Mom) I'd Like To Fuck
NFI
No Fucking Idea
NMFP
Not My Fucking Problem
RTFM
Read The Fucking Manual
SNAFU
Situation Normal All Fucked Up
WOFTAM
Waste of Fucking Time and Money
WTF
What The Fuck
Sweet FA also deserves a special mention (Sweet Fuck All), meaning "nothing". Another abbreviation is F'ed in the A for (Fucked in the Ass), presumably meaning "taken advantage of" rather than literally shagged in the poophole.
Famous historical quotes
Never forget the words of these famous people.
General Custer
Where did all them fucking Indians come from?
Mayor of Hiroshima
"What the fuck was that?"
Captain of the Titanic
"Where's all the fucking water coming from?"
Michelangelo
"You want me to paint what on the fucking ceiling?"
Einstein
"Any fucker could understand that."
Sean Penn
"Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck"
John Lennon
"Is that a real fucking gun?"
Donald Campbell
"The fucking throttle is stuck."
Anne Boleyn
"Heads are going to fucking roll."
Richard Nixon
"Who's going to fucking know?"
Niki Lauda
"I thought I could fucking smell petrol."
Mark Thatcher
"What fucking map?"
Picasso
"It does fucking look like her."
Christopher Columbus
"Where the fuck are we?"
Michael Jackson
"It's a fucking skin condition" and more recently "I told you I didn't fucking fuck him!"
Pythagoras
"How the fuck did you work that one out?"
Walt Disney
"Fuck a duck."
Joan of Arc
"I don't suppose it will fucking rain."
George Bush
"Fcuk! I can't spell."
Miss Marples
"I haven't got a fucking clue."
Noah
"Scattered showers, my fucking arse."
Donald Trump
"You're fucking fired!"
Judge Judy
"Shut the fuck up!"
Paris Hilton
"Fuck me."
Ronald Regan to the Pope
"Yes it does fucking hurt."
Harold, Battle of Hastings 1066
"Watch him he'll have some fucker's eye out"
John F Kennedy
"Who needs that fucking bubble top?"
John F Kennedy
"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in the head."
John F Kennedy Jr.
"What's wrong with this fucking altimeter?"
Bill Clinton
"I should have fucked her."
Bill Clinton
"I didn't fucking inhale!"
Hurricane Katrina
"Mardi Fuckin Gras this motherfuckers."
Leonardo da Vinci
"Call that a fucking smile?"
Sir Walter Raleigh
"That's another good cloak fucked!"
William Tell
"Keep Fucking Still."
Some readers have pointed out that there are also some real famous fuck quotes from historical figures, such as General George Patton who among other things is noted to have said:
"I don't give a fuck for a man who's not always on his toes."
"The bilious bastards who write that kind of stuff for the Saturday Evening Post don't know any more about real fighting under fire than they know about fucking!"
"We're going to murder those lousy Hun cock suckers by the bushel-fucking-basket."
Australia's Kerry Packer (for a time Australia's richest man; died late 2005) was also very fond of the word "fuck". Perhaps his best remembered quote followed the first time he died in 1990, after suffering a heart attack and being clinically dead for some eight minutes before being revived. When asked if he saw a light at the end of a tunnel he said: "Son, there's fucking nothing there."
Australia's former Prime Minister Malcolm Fraser is believed to have said "Life wasn't meant to be fucking easy".
Mark Latham, another Australian politician had this to say about Prime Minister John Howard's trip to the U.S.A.: "Howard is an arse-licker. He went over there, kissed some bums, and got patted on the fucking head."
Dorothy Parker is said to have sent a telegraph in reply to her editor - who was bugging her for belated work while on her honeymoon - that read: "Too fucking busy, and vice versa"
Conclusion
The mind boggles at the many creative uses of the word. If by any chance you think I've missed any, please fucking let me know.
How can anyone be offended when you say "FUCK"?
Use it frequently in your daily speech, you will be proud and it will add to your fucking prestige and stature.
Why not say "FUCK YOU !" to someone today.
The Fuck-UpFuck The Pain AwayFuck: Word Taboo and Protecting our First Amendment LibertiesFuck: Word Taboo and Protecting our First Amendment Liberties
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