Some group of engineers were working on a building site near a village. An old man from the village usually pauses once in a while to say hello on his way to his farm. On the first day that he came, he greeted them all and looks at the sky and said: "it's going to rain very soon". They were all surprised as there was no cloud formation depicting rainfall. So they ignored his comment and continued with their work. A few while after, there was a heavy downpour that washed away all that day's work. The foreman at the site was so devastated about the development.
The next day, the old man came and repeated what he said yesterday and it poured heavily again. The third day, the foreman was the one that asked the old man as he was passing if it's going to rain. His answer was no and there was no rain. They were as well surprised and puzzled, so the foreman decided to employ the old man as a rain maker and soothsayer.
Whenever the old man tells them it's going to rain, no work will be carried out that day but if otherwise, there will be normal operation. This has been on for about two weeks until one day that the old man came and he was asked if it's going to rain but he said he doesn't know. He was asked why and he said: There was no light yester night so I couldn't watch the weather forecast on TV!
An Ibo man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to Nigeria on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Ibo man hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Ibo
for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Ibo man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,
which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely,
but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000”?
The Ibo man replies:
"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41
and expect it to be there when I return'"
ASSUME THAT I AM A WOMAN AND YOU GOT THIS EMAIL FROM ME TO YOU:
IF YOU HAD ME ALONE... LOCKED UP IN YOUR ROOM FOR TWENTY-FOUR HOURS & I HAD TO DO WHAT EVER YOU WANTED ME TO DO, WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH ME? TELL ME IN MY INBOX ... COS IT’S A SECRET... THEN SEND THIS TO ALL YOUR CONTACTS... YOU MIGHT BE SURPRISED WITH THE RESPONSES YOU GET. THEY COULD MAKE YOU LAUGH OR EVEN SMILE...LOL
Johnny wanted to have sex wit a girl in his office, but she is for someone else. One day, Johnny said to her, “I'll give you a $100 if you let me screw you”. But she said NO. Johnny said: “I'll be fast. I'll throw d money on d floor, u bend down, and I'll be finished by the time u pick it up. She thought for a moment and said she would have to consult her boyfriend. So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says: “Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down”. So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She responded: “The bastard used coins!”
I certainly don't think an adult could explain this more beautifully!
THIS IS FABULOUS!!!
It was written by an 8-year-old named Danny Dutton, who lives in Chula Vista , CA . He wrote it for his third grade homework assignment, to 'explain God.' I wonder if any of us could have done as well? [ ... And he had such an assignment, in California , and someone published it, I guess miracles do happen ! ... ]
EXPLANATION OF GOD: 'One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth He doesn't make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.'
'God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.'
'God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.'
'Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista . At least there aren't any who come to our church.'
'Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K.'
'His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.'
'You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.'
'You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God!
Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.'
'If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.'
'But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases...
I NEVER KNEW ALL THE POWERS OF BANANAS============================================
Never, put your banana in the refrigerator!!!
This is interesting.
After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again.
Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit.It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.
Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.
PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.
Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.
Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.
Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert. Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives. Hangovers: One of the quickest
ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.
Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief. Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.
Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.
Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.
Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at wor k leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.
Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach. Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand , for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.
Smoking &Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.
Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.
Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!
Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!
So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"
PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS
PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth. Amazing fruit!
General Joke
Siamese twins walk into a pub in Ontario and park themselves
on a bar stool.
One of them says to the innkeeper, "Don't mind us, we're joined
at the hip. I'm Joe, he's Jim, we'll have two Molson Canadian beers, draft
please"
The innkeeper, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite
conversation while pouring the beers.
"Been on holiday yet, boys?"
"Off to England next month," says Joe. "We go to England every
year and hire a car and drive for miles, don't we, Jim?"
Jim agrees.
"Ah, England, "says the innkeeper." Wonderful country... the
history, the beer, the culture..."
"Nah, we don't like that British cr*p," says Joe. "Hamburgers &
Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're arrogant and
rude.'
"So why keep going to England?" asks the innkeeper.
Joe replies, "It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.'Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.I went back to look and he was
giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt.Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane ...'
At this point Mummy cut him off and said, ' Johnny , this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time.I want to see the look on Daddy's
face when you tell it tonight.'
At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirtThen Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs...'
Mummy fainted!
Moral:
Sometimes you need to just shut up and listen to the whole story before you interrupt!
* Drink six (6) glasses of water (1.5 liters) everyday and avoid medicine, tablets, injections, diagnosis, doctor fees, etc.
* You can never believe it before practicing it.
List of Diseases That Can Be Cured By Water Therapy
* Blood Pressure/Hyper Tension
* Anemia (Blood Shortage)
* Rheumatism (Pain in joints/muscles)
* General Paralysis
* Obesity
* Arthritis
* Sinusitis
* Tachycardia
* Giddiness
* Cough
* Asthma
* Bronchitis
* Pulmonary Tuberculosis
* Meningitis
* Kidney Stones
* Urogenital Diseases
* Hyper Acidity
* Dysentery
* Gastroenteritis
* Uterus Cancer
* Rectal Piodapse
* Constipation
* Hostorthobics
* Diabetes
* Eye Diseases
* Ophthalmic Hemorrhage & Opthalmia (Reddish eye)
* Irregular Menstruation
* Breast Cancer
* Laryngitis
* Headache
* Leukemia
Therapy Procedure
* Early morning, after you get up from bed, (without even brushing your teeth) drink 1.50 liters of water i.e., 5 to 6 glasses. You may wash your face thereafter.
* Here it is very essential to note that nothing else, neither drinks nor solid food of any sort should be taken within 1 hour before and after drinking these 1.5 liters of water.
* If required, boiled and filtered water may be used for this purpose.
* It is difficult to drink 1.5 liters of water at one time, but you will get used to it gradually.
* Initially, while practicing you may drink four glasses first and to balance two glasses after a gap of two minutes.
* You may find the necessity to urinate 2 to 3 times within an hour, but it will become normal after quite some time.
By Research and Experience
* The following diseases observed to be cured with this therapy within the indicated days as below:
- Constipation - 1 day
- Acidity - 2 days
- Diabetes - 7 days
- Cancer - 4 weeks
- Pulmonary TB - 3 months
- BP & Hypertension - 4 weeks
Note: It is advised that persons suffering from Arthritis or Rheumatism should practice this therapy thrice a day, i.e. morning, midday and night, 1 hour before meals for one week; and twice a day subsequently until the disease disappears.
How Does Pure Water Act?
* Consuming ordinary drinking water by the right method purifies human body. It renders the colon more effective by forming new fresh blood, known in medical terms as "Haematopaises". That the mucousal folds of the colon and intestines are activated by this method, is an undisputed fact, just as the theory that new fresh blood is produced by the mucousal fold.
* If the colon is cleansed then the nutrients of the food taken several times a day will be absorbed and by the action of the mucousal folds they are turned into fresh blood. The blood is all important in curing ailments and restoring health and for this water should be consumed in a regular pattern.
EAT FRESH FRUITS.
W e all think eating fruits means simply buying fruit, cutting it and just popping it into our mouths. . You will benefit much more if you know how and when to eat fruit.
CORRECT WAY of EATING FRUITS
Fruits should be taken on an empty stomach . . . . . . . not as dessert after the meal as is often done.
I f you eat fruit like that, it will also serve a major role to detoxify your system, supplying you with a great deal of energy for weight loss and other life activities.
FRUIT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOD
Let’s say you eat two slices of bread . . . and then a slice of fruit.
As fruit digests faster than bread, t he slice of fruit digests quickly and is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but its passage is blocked by the bread which takes longer to digest...
...I n the meantime the whole meal ferments and turns to acid. Consequently, when the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil!
So it is better to eat your fruits in an empty stomach or before your meals.
You have heard people complaining -
every time I eat water-melon I burp,
when I eat durian my stomach bloats up,
when I eat banana
I feel like running to the toilet etc -
The fruit mixes with the putrefying other food and produces gas and hence you will bloat! Actually, all this will not arise if you eat the fruit on an empty stomach.
Graying hair, balding, nervous outbursts, dark circles under the eyes -
all these will not happen if you eat fruit on an empty stomach.
It is incorrectly presumed that some fruits, like orange and lemon are acidic and will enhance acidity in the stomach. Research however shows that all fruits become alkaline in our body.
WHEN YOU NEED TO DRINK FRUIT JUICE -
Drink only fresh fruit juice, NOT from the cans.
Don't drink juice that has been heated up.
Don't eat cooked fruits because you don't get the nutrients at all.
You only get the taste.
So stop making 'durian porridge' if you want nutrients. Cooking fruit destroys all the vitamins
Eating the pulp or whole fruit is far better than drinking the juice as the fibre is good for you.
If you should drink the juice, drink it mouthful by mouthful slowly, because you must let it mix with your saliva before swallowing it.
FRUIT FAST
A 3-day "fruit fast" is a very simple and effective way to cleanse and de-toxify your body.
Just eat fruits and drink fruit juice throughout the 3 days and you will be surprised when your friends tell you how radiant you look!
During the "fruit fast" you can eat different fruits at different times, although occasionally mixed fruit salad would also be permissible and more interesting.
If you have mastered the correct way of eating fruits,
You have the secret of beauty,
Longevity, health, energy,
Happiness and normal weight.
* Please spread this message to your friends, relatives and neighbors. It is a great service to the cause of humanity ... Life is Short, Just go for it!
Keep a syringe or needle in the home to do this... It's amazing and an unconventional way of recovering from stroke. Read it through, it can help somebody one day.
This is amazing. Please keep this very handy. Excellent tips. Do take a minute to read this. You'll never know, one’s life may depend on you.
My father was paralyzed and later died from the result of a stroke.
I wish I knew about this first aid before. When stroke strikes, the capillaries in the brain will gradually burst. When a stroke occurs, stay calm.
No matter where the victim is, do not move him/her. Because, if moved, the capillaries will burst..
Help the victim to sit up where he/she is to prevent him/her from falling over again and then the bloodletting can begin .
If you have in your home an injection syringe, that would be the best.
Otherwise, a sewing needle or a straight pin will do.
1. Place the needle/pin over fire to sterilize it and then use it to prick the tip of all......10 fingers.
2. There are no specific acupuncture points, just prick about an mm from the fingernail.
3. Prick till blood comes out.
4. If blood does not start to drip, then squeeze with your fingers.
5. When all 10 digits is bleeding, wait a few minutes then the victim will regain
consciousness.
6. If the victim's mouth is crooked, then pull on his ears until they are red.
7. Then prick each earlobe twice until two drops of blood comes from each earlobe. After a few minutes the victim should regain consciousness.
Wait till the victim regains his normal state without any abnormal symptoms then take him to the hospital. Otherwise, if he was taken in the ambulance in a hurry to
the hospital, the bumpy trip will cause all the capillaries in his brain to burst.
If he could save his life, barely managing to walk, then it is by the grace of God. 'I learned about letting blood to save life from Chinese traditional doctor,
Ha Bu Ting, who lives in Sun Juke.
Furthermore, I had practical experience with it. Therefore, I can say this method is 100% effective. In 1979, I was teaching in Fung Gaap College in Tai Chung.
One afternoon, I was teaching a class when another teacher came running to my classroom and said in panting, 'Ms Liu, come quick, our supervisor has had a stroke!'. I immediately went to the 3rd floor. When I saw our supervisor, Mr. Chen Fu Tien, his color was off, his speech was slurred, his mouth was crooked -all the symptoms of a stroke.
I immediately asked one of the practicum students to go to the pharmacy outside the school to buy a syringe, which I used to prick Mr. Chen's 10 fingers tips.
When all 10 fingers were bleeding (each with a pea-sized drop of blood), after a few minutes, Mr. Chen's face regained its colour and his eyes' spirit returned,
But his mouth was still crooked. So I pulled on his ears to fill them with blood. When his ears became red, I pricked his right earlobe twice to let out two drops of blood. When both earlobes had two drops of blood each, a miracle
happened. Within 3-5 minutes the shape of his mouth returned to normal and his speech became clear.
We let him rest for a while and have a cup of hot tea, then we helped him go down the stairs, drove him to Wei Wah Hospital. He rested one night and was released the next day to return to school to teach.. Everything worked normally. There were no ill after effects. On the other hand, the usual stroke victim usually suffers, irreparable bursting of the brain capillaries on the way to the hospital. As a result, these victims never recover.' Therefore, stroke is the second cause of death. The lucky ones will stay alive but can remain paralysed for life.
It is such a horrible thing to happen in one’s life.
If we can all remember this bloodletting method and start the life saving process immediately, in a short time, the victim will be revived and regain 100%
normality.
IF POSSIBLE PLEASE FORWARD THIS AFTER READING. YOU NEVER KNOW IT MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE FROM STROKE.
An airplane was flying over the United States one
night. Then the pilot said: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the
plane is losing altitude and all the baggage must be thrown
out". A little later, the pilot said "We're
still losing altitude; we must throw anything out that is in
the cabin". The plane continued to descend despite more
things being thrown out.
Pilot: "Still going down - we must throw out some
people". There was a big gasp from the
passengers!
Pilot: "But to make this fair, passenger will be
thrown out in alphabetical order.
So...A... any Africans on board?" No one
moved.
"B... any Blacks on board?" No one
moved.
"C... any Coloureds on board?" Still, no one
moved.
"D... any Darkies?" Then a little black boy
- asked his dad:
"Dad what are we?
Dad: "Tonight son, we are Zulus!"
