AN HILARIOUS WAY OF MAKING A BABY!

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!--


The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to beIn and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes... Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted.

If only she knew they were not on the same frequency. HA!HA!

JOB IN RAILWAY...

A job placement in the railway corporation has the following on its advertisement banner:

JOB: The Railway Corporation requires suitably qualified candidates for the post of Train Master.

QUALIFICATION: Ability to read and write, ability to out-run a train even at full speed.

SALARY: Very attractive.

JOB DESCRIPTION: Candidate will have to hold a torch and run ahead of train because the headlight has stopped working...

Goodluck!

Drown your fear in beer!

This man drowned his fear in beer...

...after which he became this:

Innovation.

One needs to be innovative in whatever that you do, or what do you think about this:

This is a special sandal...

It's a wedding day!

Today, you make your choice...

ODD GREEDY KIDS>

What can you say about these kids?

1.  Commando baby

2. My Precious!

3. Money is important to me...

4. Star kid.

5.  Bring out the power in you...

Cheers!

Little Man, Big Authority!

A large notice in a shop window announced a big sale, with sweeping
reductions, starting at 9 a.m. An enormous queue had started to form by 7-30
a.m.
Just before the shop was due to open, an inconspicuous little man walked to
the head of the queue. Angry women elbowed and pushed him until he was
right at the back of the line. Undaunted, the little man went to the head of the
queue again.
Once more, he was shoved unceremoniously to the back, this time with a
few smacks on the face and a couple of thumps from umbrellas wielded by
angry women.
The little man walked to one side of the queue and said: “If that’s your
attitude, I won’t open the shop at all today!”